Ok, its a good question….why would anyone want to read about the mindless nonsense that fills my mind because I have nothing better to do than than think about this shit. Well, something happened about a year ago when I posted on facebook a rant I had about a friends wife. He’s still my friend but she isnt. She isnt because although I was careful not to name her or my friend, she knew exactly who I was referencing.
No big deal… the big deal was the number of people who read the rant, passed it on, put it on different ‘platforms’ and contacted me with their opinions. Over 50K people read my short rant which tells me there are a great many people out there with too much time on their hands.
So….just for fun, I started writing on a subject every week or so and posted the rants on Facebook; just as a way of making people laugh, get angry, voice an alternative opinion or wile away a few minutes of precious life. I don’t take it seriously, its just fun, but I have a great knack of enraging Americans which makes the endevour all the more enjoyable. Americans and increasingly; Australians have an obsession with Political Correctness and have lost the understanding of irony, which makes them fair game…because by definition, they’re cunts.
Along the way, many people said I should start a ‘blog’, something I may have attempted had I understood what a ‘blog’ was. Its an unattractive word and one which suggests an acronym to a set of tech mumbled geek words like HTTP. Anyway….time and persistence has lead me here; to my very own ‘Blog’. I may add stuff or not, its my space for £60 a year. For less than the cost of a gram of coke, I can spout endless bullshit without the need to bore a room of equally gacked party goers.
Over time I will introduce pages of the book I am half way through writing. Its called “You’re All Cunts” and it may never be completed because my friendly agent wont publish it, no-one on the Tube train home will want to be seen reading it and too many people (wrongly) find it offensive. Its a semi serious book looking far back in time to the origins of the word and how it has been misused, abused, railroaded and derided over the centuries. Its also offensive; not because of the word ‘cunt’ but by the manner in which I label several of life’s tribes as such. Again…its not a serious journalistic pursuit, its a bit of fun because right now, I have time to indulge in my passion to offend.
….and just for the record, here is the innocuous piece I wrote about a friends wife which kick started this whole process….
My mates wife….
I have a friend; he’s university educated and I thought him intelligent; until I met his wife; shes an imbecile. Now, you may think that I’m being unduly harsh but let me place the evidence before you and let you decide.
1. She believes crystals have power. Crystals, the rocks dug out of the ground that form during the volcanic cooling process and make nice colours and shapes; she thinks they have the power to change the course of your life; by simply rubbing up against them.
2: She claims to be a Feng Shui consultant, believing that by changing the direction of your rug, table lamp and light fittings, this will lead to turning you from a self harming, manic depressive to someone eligible to sing on the Mickey Mouse Club!….and shes a ‘consultant’ of this shit, having never been to China, in fact she rarely ventures out of West London and had no knowledge of what Feng Shui translates to (its wind-water).
Now shes in too deep for redemption….I’m all ears.
3. She talks to a medium and a faith healer. She…..talks to the greatest snake oil sellers of modern times and alters her life according to their pearls of wisdom. She believes that someone that she has never met prior to handing over her £50, can, by staring into her eyes whilst stifling the desire to laugh out loud, tell her what her life is to become. This, of course, is tantamount to madness. I love people who say ” I’m really spiritual’ …ah no you’re not…you’re gullible…simple.
Well….. am I being harsh or is she just a fucking idiot?
….and on top of this she “does yoga”, but no she doesnt, she simply adopts some of the physical shapes and exercises which make up a small part of yoga.
In fact, I think shes dangerous…..
You tell her you’ve got cancer, her advice would be “dont go to a doctor and get that dangerous medicine and Chemo, grab a few rocks, reposition your table lamp and listen to the advice from some fucking half baked gypo and you’ll get well!
I was furious….but back to my mate; he MARRIED it!
I had to get to the bottom of this so when we had some time together I asked him about some of this nonsense and why, in spite of all this evidence of insanity ; he still fucking MARRIED her!
Now; I was expecting some drivel about how her medium spoke to Aunt Ethel who died 20 years ago and what she said was uncanny; or that the crystals scattered throughout their house gave it a calming effect…..but no; his reply was more direct.
“she had a lovely arse and great tits”
In one sentence he restored my faith in humanity……..
rant 